Zombie Cow Studios
Archive for September, 2009
Someone found me by Googling:
“a lady fuccin a garden.”
Happy Friday, everyone.
From a certain PC magazine’s inaugural issue in 1982:
We salute you, Random Black Guy and Random Asian Guy, for going boldly where no one (with melanin) has gone before.
…and it summons a watermelon.
Good going, guys.
There’s no point to writing any kind of in-depth insightful commentary on this one – intentional or not, it’s hilariously fucked up.
Can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of Scribblenauts and see what kind of offensive stories I can put together, though.
Read up more here:
Since the vast majority of traffic to this blog comes from Google searches for the guys in The 13 Hottest Men of Gaming, In Color, I thought I’d encourage the trend (read: pander to the masses) by giving some dap to the random people of color that show up in video games. We at Token Minorities know that it’s not easy being the only brown character in the instruction manual, guys, but we appreciate the pleasant surprise that comes up when we find you in the middle of your lily-white game world.
While it’s no surprise to Token Minorities readers that one of the easiest places to find brown PCs is in fighting games, Talim gets extra dap for being the first Filipina in a video game and the least mindlessly sexified female character in a series that might as well have all their other women characters put the swords down and beat each other with their ballooning bosoms. That hasn’t stopped certain gaming magazines from including her in a swimsuit issue (PSM) or a “Girls of Gaming” spread (Play) – for shame, for shame.
Here’s hoping that she continues to kick colossal amounts of colonial ass with her two arm-blades while managing to wear more clothes than the rest of her female counterparts.
Matchup I’d like to see: Talim vs. Ferdinand Magellan.
Black male player: Wanted Meter starts at two stars. When the player is on foot, all white NPCs within eyeshot will cross to the opposite side of the street. Game can only be played on Very Hard difficulty level (does GTA have one?).
Asian female player: Wanted Meter starts at one star. When on foot, all white male NPCs within 20′ radius will run to player and proposition her (dialogue takes about half an hour to click through). Add one to Wanted Meter each time she rejects advances. If player has short hair, rejected NPCs will call her a lesbian.
Black male player: when other friendly characters are present, the game will not progress until the player is the first to open door/turn corner/walk down hallway/other situation which places him in mortal danger. also includes new Second Person Perspective camera, which remains fixed on white NPCs for duration of game. Game ends when player is killed, zombified, and killed again.
Latino male/female player: Game ends when player is killed, zombified, and killed again. (Game duration: five minutes.)
Asian female player: see Ada Wong.
Black male player: Player character has Afro instead of horns. Also, mysterious black shadows trying to separate Black male PC from white female NPC are now mysterious figures in white robes and hoods.
Asian female player: No penalties are called on opposing team.
Young white female player: Opposing attorney is Kanye West.