Token Minorities Presents: The 13 Hottest Men of Gaming, In ColorApril 3, 2008
Okay, so 90% of the hotness that people talk about in video games is generally about the female characters. Occasionally, however, we get a Hottest Men of Gaming list like the one mentioned in the last post. Never have I seen, however, in my eight years of writing about video games, even one Game Guy list that included people of color to any significant degree. (Girls of all races, creeds, and colors are ogled in the Gaming Girls lists. Hurray for color-blind sexism.) So! As Jay-Z says: this is history in the making.
Number 13 goes to a Capcom character by the name of El Stingray from the long-forgotten pro wrestling arcade game, Saturday Night Slam Masters. He is not to be confused with El Fuerte, the latest addition to the Street Fighter IV cast. (For shame. Luchadores do not all look the same.) El Stingray makes it on to the 13 Hottest Men of Gaming list for a handful of reasons:
- His butt looks great in spandex.
- Actually, he looks pretty darn good in general for being 16-bit.
- At 5’5″ and 163lbs he’s a catch for the men and women who like them wiry and muscled but not too tall.
- His arch-enemy, the Great Oni, is nicknamed “Pale-faced Devil”. Honestly, anyone who fights against pale-faced devils gets a standing ovation from me right there.
Wikipedia says he’s an “ultra macho ladies man” so guys, no luck there. On the other hand, he does wrestle in spandex with buff, sweaty men. Hmmm.
The #12 spot belongs to one Michael LeRoi, from the Acclaim game Shadow Man. Being of questionable living status doesn’t seem to stop people from wanting to have sex with Lucas Kane from Indigo Prophecy, so being an amnesiac-zombie-hitman-cum immortal-voodoo-warrior shouldn’t stop our Shadow Man from making it on the list. Maybe the zombie slave thing means he’d be more of a bottom than a top? His soul belongs to one Mama Nettie, a centuries-old voodoo priestess who inhabits the body of a woman in her twenties, and she has to have sex with him to maintain her eternal life. Older women, submissive sex, and a penis charged with voodoo energy – yum. Plus, apparently he was an English Lit major in college. I wonder how many times people have called him “articulate” or “well-spoken”.
Joe Higashi from Fatal Fury and the King of Fighters series won 11th in my heart and mind, partially because I have a soft spot for Thai boxers, partially because I gotta admire a character whose movelist changes probably no more than twice in the many games he’s appeared in, but mostly because he shows you his cute butt when he taunts.
Finally, Lieutenant Samir Duran of Starcraft: Brood War notoriety gets 10th place for his sexy voice alone. The fact that he can use Lockdown and Cloak only adds to his
kinky sex potential appeal. He would have placed significantly higher if it weren’t for the fact that he is Zerg-infested at one point in the game, and I don’t want to find out of that’s transmissible through bodily fluids.
That’s it for today – tune in tomorrow for 9th through 6th place!